Positive Thinking to be Added to Water

A new scheme to improve oral health using optimism has been unveiled.

The proposal is set to replace the controversial plans for water fluoridation, which has faced staunch opposition from people who get their scientific knowledge from the Daily Mail.

“We all know the power of thinking yourself better,” stated public health consultant Dr Florence Rydate. “Mind over matter has been shown to be extremely effective against such serious conditions as feeling a little down in the doldrums and a touch of the sniffles.”

Water stations across the country will be equipped with teams of naturally upbeat people who will channel good vibes into the supply by thinking about the concept of smiling children with white straight teeth.

However the scheme has already faced opposition from over-protective parents worried about the effects that concentrated optimism will have on their children.

Concerned father Bill Heatherly stated, “This is all a government conspiracy. These experts are clearly in the pockets of big companies trying to dispose of their waste goodwill. My little Quentin and Arabella will be on bottled water to prevent brainwashing.”